Self Reflection

I met up with one of my old friend in secondary school and also my bestie (who I can share stories because they are who you comfortable with)

We talked about our friendship, relationship, travelling experience, work etc.. and of course changes.

I always enjoy this kind of session because this is time when I truly reprocess what had happened, observe my inner changes, aware of my thoughts and feelings, which are something that I always felt hard to express.

Those bad memories are recalled and refresh, remind you to resurface the painful experience, building more protective shield for yourselves, telling you not to repeat the same old mistakes.

Get plan ahead and have certain expectation and targets for everything but not too much, balance is the word you searching for.

Telling us not to judge a book by its cover and truly understand a person before you put assumption.

Not one are generally bad

I personally know that deep in I am a negative person, I always look into myself to know what to improve on. I am not as open and well adaptive and I am improving on that. I am glad that I am aware of the issue so that I can make a change.

Also, not a genuine person who know how to share or ask for help. And I do realise the importance of teamwork...

My winged scapula diary

A month ago, I realised I had developed winged scapula, on my right side. It wasn't really a traumatised news. I been noticed the weakness on my left arms for some time, perhaps 2 months. I first thought of strain, perhaps I been carrying too much weight for the past 2 months. It was beyond my capability and I knew it, my backpacks was pulling me down and into the sands. Probably up to 20 -25kg carrying all the supply needed to survive in the jungle for 3 weeks, with the tops, my hammocks, tins, and food needed for all meal, utensil for cooking, the woks, spades and etc...

Occasionally I had to walk like an old lady, bend to 90 degrees just to carry the backpacks up, coz I felt hard to breath, but this is part of the training. I could ask for help, for sure but my dignity stopped me from doing so. I wanted to prove I am small but I am not weak. I fall multiple times and perhaps that was those one time I injure my nerve and prolly the thoracic nerve that innervate my serratus anterior. I realised weakness everytime I tried to life my arm but didnt notice my scapula was out of shape until I finally get out of the jungle.

Currently doing my physio and praying that it is not muscle tear or severe nerve injury. Not much improvement even it was already a month go. But still I am trying. It was not easy but I need to have faith...