Live at the moment

People always say, live at the moment
So, how if this moment, I feel like I just want to be alone and leave everyone else behind?
Am I gonna just do exactly?
How if i miss them the next moment
Should I just call everyone back...
There was this moment, I  did that, left people I love, stop contacting, and thought that I am tough enough to go through myself
And I didn't, I miss this person every single day and for half a year I still do
The first time after half a year, I decided to follow my heart, I get the person back to my contact list and now, another year past, it is crazy but is true
I am confused but my gut tell me to leave all behind and move on.
My damn gut tells me stop circling the same person and start moving on

I hate detail and explain things
I hate it
I hate false hope
I want to know what is with me and what not
I am not living a fantasy world
I hate emotion
And I hate i had to deal with it everytime I talk to you and act as in I am not and I don't care
I had enough and this is enough

And again, we always delete the conversation part, no detail, no why, no reason
and jump to the end

This is just a story that repeat itself
Another half a year gone and I am definitely gonna miss you crazy every day
I am gonna hate that I cut this off again
Because live at the moment
And this very moment, I hate fantasy, I hate emotion and I hate after years, I know nothing about you
....

There is no new chapter in life

Association, consequences and relation, those terms don't come without a purpose
They are telling you, no matter how much you thought you screwed things up and tell yourself, is ok, I am gonna have a new start, you cut your hair, you started to develop new hobbies, you made new friends and you bought new cloths.
Here you go, a brand new self, and while you tried hard, put your old self behind, then you slowly realise, you are still you and you never change, a bit...
You are the same old you, even in your new costume, even with make up, underneath, naked, you see yourself through
You never forget the past, you are not moving forward, deep down, you miss the same old friend, your feeling still go for the same person, you struggled but you drowned, each time you tried harder to forget, the detail emerged of the surface and you see it clear, the water mirror your face..
Daytime and night seemed to reflect both up and down of you
you thought for some time, are you of multiple personality,
then you realise it not, it is just you who fully utilise your ability to suppress your emotion
so no one see you through
Cheerful and laughter are the perfect mask, because thought is not broadcasting, and you can always keep it to yourself...