People always say, live at the moment
So, how if this moment, I feel like I just want to be alone and leave everyone else behind?
Am I gonna just do exactly?
How if i miss them the next moment
Should I just call everyone back...
There was this moment, I did that, left people I love, stop contacting, and thought that I am tough enough to go through myself
And I didn't, I miss this person every single day and for half a year I still do
The first time after half a year, I decided to follow my heart, I get the person back to my contact list and now, another year past, it is crazy but is true
I am confused but my gut tell me to leave all behind and move on.
My damn gut tells me stop circling the same person and start moving on
I hate detail and explain things
I hate it
I hate false hope
I want to know what is with me and what not
I am not living a fantasy world
I hate emotion
And I hate i had to deal with it everytime I talk to you and act as in I am not and I don't care
I had enough and this is enough
And again, we always delete the conversation part, no detail, no why, no reason
and jump to the end
This is just a story that repeat itself
Another half a year gone and I am definitely gonna miss you crazy every day
I am gonna hate that I cut this off again
Because live at the moment
And this very moment, I hate fantasy, I hate emotion and I hate after years, I know nothing about you
....
Monday, July 10, 2017
Thursday, July 6, 2017
There is no new chapter in life
Association, consequences and relation, those terms don't come without a purpose
They are telling you, no matter how much you thought you screwed things up and tell yourself, is ok, I am gonna have a new start, you cut your hair, you started to develop new hobbies, you made new friends and you bought new cloths.
Here you go, a brand new self, and while you tried hard, put your old self behind, then you slowly realise, you are still you and you never change, a bit...
You are the same old you, even in your new costume, even with make up, underneath, naked, you see yourself through
You never forget the past, you are not moving forward, deep down, you miss the same old friend, your feeling still go for the same person, you struggled but you drowned, each time you tried harder to forget, the detail emerged of the surface and you see it clear, the water mirror your face..
Daytime and night seemed to reflect both up and down of you
you thought for some time, are you of multiple personality,
then you realise it not, it is just you who fully utilise your ability to suppress your emotion
so no one see you through
Cheerful and laughter are the perfect mask, because thought is not broadcasting, and you can always keep it to yourself...
They are telling you, no matter how much you thought you screwed things up and tell yourself, is ok, I am gonna have a new start, you cut your hair, you started to develop new hobbies, you made new friends and you bought new cloths.
Here you go, a brand new self, and while you tried hard, put your old self behind, then you slowly realise, you are still you and you never change, a bit...
You are the same old you, even in your new costume, even with make up, underneath, naked, you see yourself through
You never forget the past, you are not moving forward, deep down, you miss the same old friend, your feeling still go for the same person, you struggled but you drowned, each time you tried harder to forget, the detail emerged of the surface and you see it clear, the water mirror your face..
Daytime and night seemed to reflect both up and down of you
you thought for some time, are you of multiple personality,
then you realise it not, it is just you who fully utilise your ability to suppress your emotion
so no one see you through
Cheerful and laughter are the perfect mask, because thought is not broadcasting, and you can always keep it to yourself...
Tuesday, June 13, 2017
true friend
just begin my 24th-year-old journey, it comes too soon for me
but I have realised how things have changed, celebration is not important anymore and definitely not about the present, but a simple wish from some friends that you really close and family is all about it.
As you grow, u realise not the number of friends that matter in your life, because clear in mind, you only want friend who truely care and be with you for ups and downs but not anyone,
because you have live your 24th years and you have seen all kind of personality, some are good for casual meet up, some are there for benefits. You don't change people but you have choices in life.
And all i hope is all healthy and happy, I am not a perfect friend either, but I am grateful for what I have=)
but I have realised how things have changed, celebration is not important anymore and definitely not about the present, but a simple wish from some friends that you really close and family is all about it.
As you grow, u realise not the number of friends that matter in your life, because clear in mind, you only want friend who truely care and be with you for ups and downs but not anyone,
because you have live your 24th years and you have seen all kind of personality, some are good for casual meet up, some are there for benefits. You don't change people but you have choices in life.
And all i hope is all healthy and happy, I am not a perfect friend either, but I am grateful for what I have=)
Wednesday, January 18, 2017
when you feel like being alone is the best thing ever
Never thought that I will like to be all by myself
perhaps sometimes I just couldn't stand to be surrounding by laughter but deep down in me
I feel emptiness.
I rather be all by myself and I can feel the flow of peacefulness...
perhaps sometimes I just couldn't stand to be surrounding by laughter but deep down in me
I feel emptiness.
I rather be all by myself and I can feel the flow of peacefulness...
Sunday, May 8, 2016
Trust
Trust is always an issue
I used to trust people easily and I was told naive
because the world is full of bad people
with different motive
I was involved in an accident a day ago
I bang into an Indian guy's car.
It wasn't suppose to happen, I thought I am cautious enough
I looked back before I reversed the car and I dont remember I saw the car.
Perhaps the big car on my left blocked my vision.
But there weren't suppose to be any cars there. It wasn't even a parking spot.
The Indian guy stared at me and I apologised for my mistake.
He looked at the BMW and started to observe. I saw a little small dent on it. Really was just a small unoticable one.
He wasn't as friendly and I know he wouldn't let me go.
As expected, he took my IC and the photo of the car.
He told me he needs to check for the damage and I need to pay for his loss.
I told him my insurance should have covered it.
He sent me a msg the next day telling me it should have cost him RM1500 but he decided to go for cheaper one RM800. He wants me to pay the cost of it and threatened me to go for police. I was like why not,
He called me again and I negotiated so we made it down to RM 400 but still I dont find that small dent cost me that much and he was at fault for parking illegally too.
My dad said it only cost up to RM 300 max so I told him and he rejected my offer and said that he is a lawyer. I really hate his attitude. So I decided to let the police settled it and immediately he called me and said it is fine.
I knew it. He is such a leech. He knows well that he wont get back any insurance fr the small dent and he might need to pay extra fr the accident as well for his illegal parking but he is trying to use his power to scare me off.
Moral learnt, stand for your right, and never let people scare you off!
I used to trust people easily and I was told naive
because the world is full of bad people
with different motive
I was involved in an accident a day ago
I bang into an Indian guy's car.
It wasn't suppose to happen, I thought I am cautious enough
I looked back before I reversed the car and I dont remember I saw the car.
Perhaps the big car on my left blocked my vision.
But there weren't suppose to be any cars there. It wasn't even a parking spot.
The Indian guy stared at me and I apologised for my mistake.
He looked at the BMW and started to observe. I saw a little small dent on it. Really was just a small unoticable one.
He wasn't as friendly and I know he wouldn't let me go.
As expected, he took my IC and the photo of the car.
He told me he needs to check for the damage and I need to pay for his loss.
I told him my insurance should have covered it.
He sent me a msg the next day telling me it should have cost him RM1500 but he decided to go for cheaper one RM800. He wants me to pay the cost of it and threatened me to go for police. I was like why not,
He called me again and I negotiated so we made it down to RM 400 but still I dont find that small dent cost me that much and he was at fault for parking illegally too.
My dad said it only cost up to RM 300 max so I told him and he rejected my offer and said that he is a lawyer. I really hate his attitude. So I decided to let the police settled it and immediately he called me and said it is fine.
I knew it. He is such a leech. He knows well that he wont get back any insurance fr the small dent and he might need to pay extra fr the accident as well for his illegal parking but he is trying to use his power to scare me off.
Moral learnt, stand for your right, and never let people scare you off!
Friday, May 6, 2016
Loneliness is the feeling that can never fade away
who you can find and talk to
Then, when the perfect relationship broke
you will face a period of emptiness
You keep finding ways to fill the emptiness
You feel something missing in your life
Keep searching for the missing puzzle
The fact is that you forget you once live happily without that special one
Why now?
Mind over body
Longing for something makes you forget how to live at the moment
Leave those behind
Never too late to realise
You have friends...
Saturday, March 19, 2016
GOT-Games of Throw- Second Frisbee tournament
PIt was such a "morning" to start off with
I overslept and almost didn't make it for the tournament.
I set the alarm but it was pm instead of am...typical me...
My friend called me for 50 times (again) but too bad I put my phone in silent. It was really no way to contact me.
Furthermore, I am staying in second floor so I couldnt really hear people calling from downstair.
All of sudden, I think I heard loud scream of my name and I jumped up from the bed. Gosh, It was 5.28 and in 2 min times, the van is gonna departed.
I made it finally, couldnt imagine how regret I would be if I didn't make it.Thanks to these bunches of friends who never give me up =P
The Game didn't go as good as we expected. We are playing a bit out of normal standard.
There are some of us feel really "Am Gog" coz we felt we can do better than this.
We lost the first 3 games and for the last one, I guess we really just want to do it for fun.
Breaking 0 seemed to be our target now. It sounds a bit pathetic by the way.
In the van, all of us were very tired, fallen asleep once all get on. Qan and I was sitting back, talking almost throughout the journey. It was really a nice chat on the future perspect.
It was definitely not a victory to mention, bt I suppose all of us still appreciate the game as a team.
I overslept and almost didn't make it for the tournament.
I set the alarm but it was pm instead of am...typical me...
My friend called me for 50 times (again) but too bad I put my phone in silent. It was really no way to contact me.
Furthermore, I am staying in second floor so I couldnt really hear people calling from downstair.
All of sudden, I think I heard loud scream of my name and I jumped up from the bed. Gosh, It was 5.28 and in 2 min times, the van is gonna departed.
I made it finally, couldnt imagine how regret I would be if I didn't make it.Thanks to these bunches of friends who never give me up =P
The Game didn't go as good as we expected. We are playing a bit out of normal standard.
There are some of us feel really "Am Gog" coz we felt we can do better than this.
We lost the first 3 games and for the last one, I guess we really just want to do it for fun.
Breaking 0 seemed to be our target now. It sounds a bit pathetic by the way.
In the van, all of us were very tired, fallen asleep once all get on. Qan and I was sitting back, talking almost throughout the journey. It was really a nice chat on the future perspect.
It was definitely not a victory to mention, bt I suppose all of us still appreciate the game as a team.
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